NONKINSENSE
Adventures of an Analog Man in the Digital Universe, with a little help from my friends and relations.
Thursday, September 08, 2005
Ladies, You Didn't Have To Be So Nice, I appreciate your warm greeting, but, it's Five Minutes to Stage, down here and yes I do play bass, but, I'm Junior Senator, Jeff Smith, trying to establish a Camp for Boy Scouts and not Commander Starrider.
With the ten million jokes going around about how men just don't get it, I figured this was a change of pace worth distributing. But I do take exception to number 27. I find tv remotes very annoying, and until just recently when I got a DVD player that does not work without the remote, I immediately ditched any remote that came with a television or VCR. In fact, I ditched the remote for the DVD too, and had to retrieve it from the garbage when I realized the DVD player didn't function without it.
PERSONAL SKILLS AND COMMUNICATION SEMINAR FOR WOMEN, Commander Starriders, Moderator:
1. Silence, the Final Frontier: Where No Woman Has Gone Before.2. The Undiscovered Side of Banking: Making Deposits.3. Parties: Going Without New Outfits.4. Man Management: Discover How Minor Household Chores Can Wait Until After the Game.5. Bathroom Etiquette I: Men Need Space in the Bathroom Cabinet Too.6. Bathroom Etiquette II: His Razor Is His.
7. Communication Skills I: Tears - The Last Resort, Not the First.8. Communication Skills II: Thinking Before Speaking.9. Communication Skills III: Getting What You Want, Without Nagging.10. Telephone Skills: How to Hang Up.11. Introduction to Parking.12. Advanced Parking: Reversing Into A Space.13. Water retention: Fact or Fat.14. Cooking I: Bringing Back Bacon, Eggs and Butter.15. Cooking II: Bran and Tofu are Not For Human Consumption.16. Cooking III: How Not to Inflict Your Diets on Other People.17. Compliments: Accepting Them Gracefully.18. PMS: Your Problem... Not His.
19. Dancing: Why Men Don't Like To.20. Sex: It's For Married Couples Too.21. Classic Clothing: Wearing Outfits You Already Have.22. Integrating Your Laundry: Washing It All Together.23. Oil and Petrol: Your Car Needs Both.24. Oil and Petrol: Your Car Needs Both. (In case it was missed the first time)25. Learning to Go in Public Restrooms.26. "Do These Jeans Make My Butt Look Big?" - Why Men Lie.
27. TV Remotes: For Men Only.
#28. (for female musicians only) Songs cannot make you look fat.(couresy of Laura)
Laura, has this been an issue for the singers in your band? I'e run into many excuses: I don't feel the song; it's been played to death; no one has ever heard of it; I don't like it; I'm tired of it; It's a great song, but ...; I find the words offensive; I don't sing songs about drugs; it sounds too much like another song in our set. And the most common excuse for singers: I'd rather only the songs that I want to sing, and don't care what the band wants to play. But I've never heard that a song could make the singer look fat. Could this be the hidden reason that the singer fail to communicate, but lurks behind all the other excuses? Rob
Laura,
Please, Laura. I want to try to understand. As a band member, as a student of human nature, but mostly as a man who is occasionally as interested in pleasing women as he is in seducing and exploiting them, I just have to know the truth, no matter how difficult for a man to understand.
Rob
*Sigh* Rob, if you have to actually ASK that last question, you won't understand the answer.
Laura
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