Adventures of an Analog Man in the Digital Universe, with a little help from my friends and relations.

Friday, September 30, 2005

MURDERERS ROWS, just for Kicks.

Let's Get Behind Them...
I am counting down backwards because my No. 1 has a story:
5. The "Bob Costas Moment" - As he once described, walking across the field after a game and out through the Yankees' bullpen is indescribable.
4. Attending a playoff game (v. the Angels)
3. Attending a World Series Game (v. the Marlin)
2. Attending Opening Day of the renovated Stadium ( and seeing Monty Python at the City Centre later that evening!).
1. It was an October 2nd, sometime in the '70's, the Yanks were so far behind First Place that a telescope wouldn't have helped. I was taking Charlie to a game for his Birthday. We had seats in one of those mezzanine/loge four-seaters (two and two) leaning out over the field. Someone (on Cleveland, their opponent that day) hit a foul ball which I caught while holding up the two the two guys behind us who were lunging for the ball. I believe to this day that they would've fallen onto the field had I not supported them on my back. I gave the ball to Charlie which he has to this day. That's Baseball, Buddy!

Thursday, September 29, 2005

Kid, I know some people might get the Mr. Smith Goes to Washington, stuff, but, this ???

Coming October 22nd, through the technological wonders of Nonkinsense, An Evening with the Hacketts, Steve and Buddy.

Hey Steve, I'm closing with Los Endos, you can do The Chinese Waiter.

Inspired by drumming57 e-mail; your top Yankee moments that you witnessed on the tube or in person. Hello baseball fans !

Are you ready for Armageddon this weekend @ Fenway ? The regular season doesn't get any better than this .

May the best team win & advance to the World Series !

Go Yanks,
Jimmy - here's his list - 1. Mariano Rivera induces Mike Piazza to fly out to Bernie Williams to win the 2000 Subway/World Series against the Mets.

2. Chris Chambis smacks a walk off series ending HR against the KC Royals in the 1976 ALCS.

3. Aaron Boone smacks a walk off series ending HR against the Red Sox in the 2003 ALCS.

4. David Cone pitches a perfect game @ Yankee Stadium on Yogi Berra Day...a day where Yogi & Don Larsen throw out the first pitch.

5. Graig Nettles becomes Brooks Robinson in Game 3 of the 1978 World Series & helps turn an 0-2 Series deficit into an eventual 4 games to 2 Series win against the Dodgers.

additional memories from the Old Stadium include going up to Michael Burke and getting his autograph a couple of rows from the Yankee Dugout.

The list of memorable television events would be something like this:

1-Chris Chambliss Homerun to win the Pennant against the Royals.

2-Bucky Dent Homerun to help win the division from the Red Sox.

3-Reggie's Three Home Run Game in the World Series with the Dodgers.

4-The first game played following Thurman Munson's death.

5-several including, Billy Martin taking Reggie out of the game in Boston, George Brett Pinetar Game, Dwight Gooden's No hitter, The Boston Massacre Series (first game) , David Cone no hitter, *Jim Abbott no hitter.

* I went to the game that followed Abbott's no-hitter and if memory serves me right, Linda was present for Dave Righetti's July 4th no-hitter, which, I was away from the TV set that day.

Friday, September 23, 2005

Well, I guess the gentlemen are in a pretty tall hurry to get me out of here. The way the evidence has piled up against me, I can't say I blame them much. And I'm quite willing to go, sir, when they vote it that way - but before that happens I've got a few things I want to say to this body. I tried to say them once before, and I got stopped colder than a mackerel. Well, I'd like to get them said this time, sir. And as a matter of fact, I'm not going to leave this body until I do get them said.

I know it's all a crock of shit, Senator, I can see that and I can see through you, but, maybe this one's going to be different. ... Ira, It was a pleasure speaking with you this morning and I'm looking forward to meeting you Monday at 11 am. Please bring your driver's license and a second ID (social security card, passport, etc.) to help me process your application and to obtain a driving record.

Just get up off the ground, that's all I ask. Get up there with that lady that's up on top of this Capitol dome, that lady that stands for liberty. Take a look at this country through her eyes if you really want to see something. And you won't just see scenery; you'll see the whole parade of what Man's carved out for himself, after centuries of fighting. Fighting for something better than just jungle law, fighting so's he can stand on his own two feet, free and decent, like he was created, no matter what his race, color, or creed. That's what you'd see. There's no place out there for graft, or greed, or lies, or compromise with human liberties. And, uh, if that's what the grownups have done with this world that was given to them, then we'd better get those boys' camps started fast and see what the kids can do. And it's not too late, because this country is bigger than the Taylors, or you, or me, or anything else. Great principles don't get lost once they come to light. They're right here; you just have to see them again! along with this note I just received: Good Evening! Get my phone message? Debbie is sleeping in the guest bedroom tonight. I put your stuff near the sink by the upstairs bathroom. Hope that's what you need... You can use the xtra bed in Mark's room, or the couch in the family room if you want (pillows&blanket on rocking chair) See in you in AM - we'll all be home 'til noon or so...and also thanks Patty for the kind words: hey ira..
it was so good 2 c u @ the studio...thanks for stopping by..2 lift up the room..and most importantly to say hey.

Thursday, September 22, 2005

I know you all think I'm crazy, what with all these e-mails; I know it's a no win situation
even down here, but, what choices do I have ?

Thank you for considering Asspen Systems Corporation as a prospective employer. Your resume has been received and we are currently reviewing each candidate's qualifications. Should you be selected for further consideration, a Human Resources Representative will contact you to schedule an interview. We invite you to visit Asspen's web site regularly for the most up-to-date listing of our employment openings. Best of luck with your career endeavors.

Dear Ira,Thank you for applying online with the NBA TEAM Jobs Board. If you have applied for a posted position (not future notification) and have not heard back from us within 30 days from when the job expires, we most likely are considering other applicants. However, we welcome you to come back and reapply for other openings as they become available. Make sure you filled out all the information so that we can notify you when we are looking for candidates for new positions. In order to ensure that your information is accurate and saved for hiring managers to access, please go to and click "edit your information" and follow the instructions. While there, you can upload your resume, complete, edit, modify, or delete your record.Please make sure you complete your application thoroughly as each job may require responses to specific questions. You will only have one opportunity to answer posted questions.In order to keep this database accurate, we encourage you to update your record every six months OR make sure your email address is valid. Otherwise, your record may be deleted.We are an equal opportunity employer.Sincerely,Human ResourcesNational Basketball Association

Dear Ira,

I believe we are trying to coordinate an interview with you at Savantagee for Tuesday for the technical writing position with Savantagee. You’ll probably get a call today about this. The nex e-mail I send will have the Savantagee employment application form attached. For some reason there are certain e-mail accounts to which I’ve had trouble sending attachments and AOL is one of them. You may already be aware of this. Before opening the next e-mail message from me, you may want to turn off your security until after you have successfully downloaded the form, then turn it back on. If you still do not get the attachment, you may want to see if it’s residing in your junk e-mail area. Please complete, sign and include a cover sheet attention: E.Aryers . Please call first since this is a shared machine.

Please contact me directly should you need additional assistance.

Thank you, IRA , for expressing interest in our organization.We have successfully received your submission to the following position(s):Claims Rep Trainee R041174 16847BRA system generated Candidate Reference Number has been created for you and may be useful to keep for your records. Your Candidate Reference Number is: 8543716.Thank you.* Please do not reply to this email.

Wednesday, September 21, 2005

Happy Birthday, Smitty.

Happy Birthday Mom, we owe all the good fortune to you.

Monday, September 19, 2005


Here, Sylvia, 4 years old at Coney Island...Shirley 9 years, Nettie 11 years.

States of Mind: New York State, TRANQUILITY REIGNS. When we think of rain we think of weather The reign I'm referring to is certainly not as light as a feather. The reign I mean is the one that rules, It is not perceived by fools ---- In this countryside - TRANQUILITY REIGNS. It over-powers the senses And leaves one Adrift in a sea of calm-a sea of bliss. PENNSYLVANIA: THE WILDFLOWERS OF PENNSYLVANIA...The wild flowers of Pennsylvania are just as natural as the smell of hay. The profusion of flowers are all around, the pungent scents really abound...The natural scene is so full of peace, it seems all action begins to cease...Oh! The beauty of the flowers fills me with joy for many hours...As I go back home to the city, the memory of the flowers will always remain so pretty... The Quote of the Month: "HAPPINESS IS NOT A DESTINATION, BUT A METHOD OF TRAVEL." Sylvia M. Nonkin

Freedom Forever

To the Heroes of September 11: Of Freedom Forever. This war of humanity is the growing root of one man's insanity. We must fight until we see the light OF FREEDOM FOREVER... For some it's worse than others. But we are all striving hand in hand as brothers. So don't grumble because of sadness, There will be an ending to all this madness - There will come a day when we all can say - This is our home, our land, This grand U.S.A. Heroes have died while our allies are united side by side. Slaves to Tyrants - we cannot be. NEVER. Because in our Hearts, We are thinking of FREEDOM FOREVER. I wrote the above poem when I was a student in Junior High School. It was my first poem. I sent a copy to President Roosevelt during World War II and received an acknowledgement from his secretary Grace Tully which I treasure to this day. The poem is just as applicable now as then. Sylvia Nonkin

Friday, September 16, 2005

Photography by Sylvia Nonkin 9/27-2/04

Well, I suppose, I should e-mail a thank you to Commander Starriders, drumming57 and Steveny24 and the fore mentioned Paulie Walnuts.
Superman - Five for Fighting
Jimmy Olsen's Blues - Spin Doctors
Snoopy vs. The Red Baron - The Royal Guardsmen
Snoopy's Christmas - The Royal Guardsmen

Super Hero songs

You Don't Mess Around With Jim - Jim Croce - mentions Superman and the Lone Ranger
Can't Stop This Thing We Started -- Bryan Adams -- mentions Superman
Kryptonite - 3 Doors Down - not surprisingly, this song mentions Superman
Holding Out for a Hero (sometimes called I Need a Hero) - Bonnie Tyler - another mention of Superman
Flash - Queen - mentions Flash Gordon, not the Flash, the superhero faster than the speed light.
Chimes of Freedom - Bob Dylan - mentions Underdog! (Well, so do a lot of songs, actually)


Kinks- Superman. Jimi hendrix- 'Astro man' off 'The cry of love"- has a lyric that calls Superman a faggot- you can look it up!

Thank you Mr. Walnuts, interestingly enough our #1 and #3 are the same, perhaps going with Yours is No Digrace at #2, Watcher of the Skies at #4, America, the Nice version at #5.
1. In The Court Of The Crimson King - King Crimson
2. The Fountain of Salmacis - Genesis
3. Roundabout - Yes
4. Tarkus - Emerson, Lake and Palmer
5. The Moon Is Down - Gentle Giant

As the caretaker of Airlines aircraft, ground service equipment, cargo shipments and our customers' property, the level of service satisfaction and the guaranteed safety of our guests and their possessions must always be foremost. The working environment demands, at all times, strenous lifting activities where proper procedures for baggage handling and lifting are essential so as not to cause strain or injury to the Ramp Customer Service Representative...Physical Demands: Sit 0-33% of the work shift. Stand and walk 34-66% of the work shift. Lift and carry objects weighing 11-50 pounds 34-66% of the work shift. Lift up to 80 pounds 0-33% of the shift. Lift and carry passengers who may weigh greater than 100 pounds, with the assistance of other co-workers. PUll and push with a force of 65 pounds to move objects on flat surfaces. Climb stairs, ladders and inclines. Work at low levels in cramped work spaces which require crawling, squatting and kneeling. Reach and lift above and below shoulder level. Participate in a wide variety of repetitive trunk movements including forward and backward bending, trunk rotation and bending side to side. Carry objects on a variety of smooth and rough work surfaces, up and down stairs and ladders. Use both hands to manipulate and move large and small objects within minimal time limits. Ability to see, hear and talk. Operate motorized equipment.

Will 'ya, 'ya, just look at this Jean,
Sun, Sun, Sunday through Thursday until 3 AM and, a, a, Fri, Friday, Sat, Saturday open 24 hours! And will you just look at this, Grilled Turkey Breast or Grilled Chicken over mixed greens, tomatoes, cu, cu, cumbers, carrots, sliced red delicious apples and walnuts topped with Cranberry Sause... And, French Toast for Rockets and Robotics over there and why, they even have a Turkey Burger Deluxe here, as well.
As he walks along the gorge's edge, He meets a sense of yesteryear. A window in the bank above his head Reveals his home amidst the streets .Subway sounds, the sounds of complain tThe smell of acid on his gun of paint. As it carves out anger in a blood-red band,Destroyed tomorrow by an unknown hand;-My home. Is this the way out from this endless scene? Or just an entrance to another dream?And the light dies down on Broadway. But as the skylight beckons him to leave, He hears a scream fro far below.Within the raging water, writhes the formOf brother John, he cries for help.The gate is fading now, but open wide, But John is drowning, I must decide Between the freedom I had in the rat-race, Or to stay forever in this forsaken place; Hey john! He makes for the river and the gate is gone, Back to the void where it came from. And the light dies down on Broadway.
Genesis-Peter Gabriel

Thursday, September 15, 2005

Lissen Up, Starship Troopers and Astral Travellers, me and Chrissie here, want to know your Top Five Prog. Rock Songs and nobody gets the Siberian Khatru treatment like this kid with the funny Haircut 100 ... Remember, Chief Wiggum, keep away from The Styx bullshit, will 'ya please...Here's My Number One while I was holed up in the Can: Court of the Crimson King
by King Crimson
Em B D C E
Ah---- Ah---- Ah---- Ah----
Em C Em6
1) The rusted chains of
prison moons are shattered by the sun.
2) The keeper of the city keys puts shutters on the dreams. I
3) The gardener plants an evergreen whilst trampling on a flower. I
4) On soft gray mornings widows cry, the wise men share a joke;
Em C Em6 C
1) walk a road, horizons change, the tournament's begun. The
2) wait outside the pilgrim's door with insufficient schemes. The
3) chase the wind of a
prison ship to taste the sweet and sour. The
4) run to grasp divining signs to satisfy the hoax.
Am Fmaj 7 Am6
Fmaj 7
1) purple piper plays his tune, the choir softly sings
2) black queen chants the funeral march, the cracked brass bells will
ring; To
3) pattern juggler lifts his hand; the orchestra begins
4) yellow jester does not play but gently pulls the strings.
Em C Em
1) lullabies in an ancient tongue, for the Court of the Crimson
2) summon back the fire-witch, to the Court of the Crimson
3) slowly turns the grinding wheel, in the Court of the Crimson
4) smiles as the puppets dance, in the Court of the Crimson
Em B D C E
B (4) B E)
Ah---- Ah---- Ah---- Ah----
After 4) Then tob End
Em B D C E
B (4) B E)
Ah---- Ah---- Ah---- Ah----

Happy Anniversary to cousins Phil and Marge.

We caught you Nonkinsense, trying to pull a fast one on the Supreme Court of '60's Rock n Roll Knowledge. You meant to say Sunshine Superman and not Mellow Yellow by Donovan.

I made the Donovan correction soon after posting the original mistake of Mellow Yellow for Sunshine Superman.

Additional choices would include:

Jimmy Olsen's Blues-The Spin Doctors

Catch Me Now , I'm Falling - The Kinks (this is Capt America calling...)

I'm A Rocker-Springsteen, mentions The Batmobile.

I got a 007 watch and it's a one and only D A D D A It's got a I-Spy beeper that tells me when you're lonely D A D D A I got a Batmobile so I can reach ya' in a fast shake D A D D A When your world's in crisis of an impending heartbreak
I also would imagine some song out there mentions Dick Tracy.
this just IN, Iron Man by Black Sabbath.

It's about time you got around to me to save this hopelessly obscure Enterprise and esoteric Blog of yours that caters exclusively in trying to amuse the so-called Paulie Walnuts, alias Donny and Uncle Jun, alias Eliot. Superman and Green Lantern aint got a-nothin' on me... How long, Ace, before you put cousin Stanley with the Stanley Cup or should I say, Stan Lee Cup? Anyhow, for the two people who still pay attention to this stuff, give me your Top Five Rock Songs with Comic Book References in them, ie: Superman by the Kinks, Sunshine Superman by Donovan.
ARTIST: Donovan
TITLE: Sunshine Superman
Lyrics and Chords
Sunshine came softly through my a-window today
Coulda tripped out easy, but I've a-changed my ways
It'll take time, I know it, but in a while
You're gonna be mine, I know it, we'll do it in style
/ C7 - - - / / F - - - / C7 - - - /
'Cause I've made my mind up you're going to be mine
I'll tell you right now
Any trick in the book now, baby, all that I can find
/ G7 - F - / C7 - - - /
Superman or Green Lantern ain't got a-nothin' on me
I can make like a turtle and dive for a-pearls in the sea
A-you can just sit there thinkin' on your velvet throne
Yes, about all the rainbows a-you can have for your own
Everybody's hustlin' just to have a little scene
When I say we'll be cool, I think that you know what I mean
We stood on a beach at sunset do you remember when
I know a beach where, baby, a-it never ends
When you've made your mind up forever to be mine
I'll pick up your hand and slowly blow your little mind
Superman or Green Lantern ain't got a-nothin' on me
I can make like a turtle and dive for your pearls in the sea
A-y-y-y-you can just sit there thinkin' on your velvet throne
About all the rainbows a-you can have for your own
When you've made your mind up forever to be mine
I'll pick up your hand and slowly blow your little mind
When you've made your mind up forever to be mine
I'll pick up your hand
I'll pick up your hand and slowly blow your little mind
Blow your little mind

You mean Sunshine Superman. Wow. Very difficult. Without resorting to the AMG one song immediately comes to mind: Scenes From A Night's Dream - Genesis (about an early 20th Century Comic Strip Character named Little Nemo, comic book characters will require some thought). How about Batman - Marketts (although it's an instrumental about the TV Theme), of course there's always the Bonzo' s Mr. and Mrs. Mickey Mouse but as this has started to become a little too Joyceian on the stream-of consciousness side I think I'll stop

Sunday, September 11, 2005

You're Missing Lyrics

Shirts in the closet, shoes in the hall
Mama's in the kitchen, baby and all
Everything is everything
Everything is everything
But you're missing

Coffee cups on the counter, jackets on the chair
Papers on the doorstep, but you're not there
Everything is everything
Everything is everything
But you're missing

Pictures on the nightstand, TV's on in the den
Your house is waiting, your house is waiting
For you to walk in, for you to walk in
But you're missing, when I shut out the lights
You're missing, when I close my eyes
You're missing, when I see the sun rise
You're missing

Children are asking if it's alright
Will you be in our arms tonight?

Morning is morning, the evening falls I got
Too much room in my bed, to many phone calls
How's everything, everything?
Everything, everything
You're missing, you're missing

God's drifting in heaven, devil's in the mailbox
I got dust on my shoes, nothing but teardrops

Bruce Springsteen words and music.

Friday, September 09, 2005

Courtesy of The Cousins

Perhaps I’m slow, but it took me a second to get the joke! Oh, and don't try to tell me that the caption editor didn't know what s/he was doing:

This Wheel's On Fire.

Audio Files
This Wheel's On Fire
by Bob Dylan and Rick Danko. Album: Music from Big Pink© 1967,1970 Dwarf Music
See Peter Viney's article for more about this song.
If your memory serves you well
We're going to meet again and wait
So I'm going to unpack all my things
F Dm Am
And sit before it gets too late
C Am
No man alive will come to you
C Am
With another tale to tell
And you know that we shall meet again
F Dm Am
If your memory serves you well
Dm F C G G7
This wheel's on fire, rolling down the road
Best notify my next of kin
This wheel shall explode!
If your memory serves you well, I was going to confiscate your lace
And wrap it up in a sailor's knot and hide it in your case
If I knew for sure that it was yours, and it was oh so hard to tell
And you know that we shall meet again if your memory serves you well
If your memory serves you well, you'll remember that you're the one
Who called on them to call on me to get you your favours done
And after every plan had failed and there was nothing more to tell
And you know that we shall meet again if your memory serves you well

One of my favorite Albums of All-Time does not include this track and I think it should:
CHORUS D Bm Charlie don't surf and we think he should D Bm Charlie don't surf and you know that it ain't no good D Em7 Charlie don't surf for his hamburger Momma F#m7 Charlie's gonna be a napalm star Everybody wants to rule the world Must be something we get from birth One truth is we never learn Satellites will make space burn D Bm We've been told to keep the strangers out D Bm We don't like them starting to hang around D Em7 We don't like them over town F#m7 Across the world we are going to blow them down CHORUS RIFF The reign of the super powers must be over So many armies can't free the earth Soon the rock will roll over Africa is choking on their Coca Cola D Bm It's a one a way street in a one horse town D Bm One way people starting to brag around D Em7 You can laugh, put them dowm F#m7 These one way people gonna blow us down CHORUS Charlie don't surf he'll never learn Charlie don't surf though he's got a gun Charlie don't surf think that he shouldCharlie don't surf we really think he should Charlie don't surf Charlie don't surf and we think he should Charlie don't surf and you know that it ain't no good Charlie don't surf for his hamburger Momma Charlie don't surf

and this from the other brother courtesy his brother in law:

The lizard looks up in a tree and asks the monkey, "Hey! What are you
> doing?"
> The monkey says, "Smoking a joint; come up and join me, my cold-blooded
> friend."_
> So the lizard climbs up and sits next to the monkey and they smoke.
> After a while the lizard says his mouth is 'dry', and that he's going
> to get a drink from the river._
> At the riverbank, the lizard is so stoned that he leans too far over
> and falls in.
> A crocodile sees this and swims over to the stoned lizard, helping him
> back to the bank._
> He then asks the lizard, "What's the matter with you?"_
> The lizard explains to the crocodile that he was sitting in the tree,
> smoking a joint with his new monkey friend. He then explained how his
> mouth got dry, and that he was so wasted that, when he went to get a
> drink from
> the river, he fell in!_
> The inquisitive crocodile says he has to check this out. He walks into
> jungle and finds the tree where the monkey is sitting, finishing a
> joint._
> He looks up and says, "Hey, Monkey!"_
> The monkey looks down and says, "SHIT, DUDE.....

"Yum Talay" - Seafood Salad

It says salad, but note that most Thai salads don't have a lot of vegetables!This particular dish is easy to prepare and can be served as either an appetizer, or as part of the main course. It is normally prepared spicy, however you may feel the need to decrease the amount of chili that you use during preparation.
Ingredients:1/2 pound of shrimp4 imitation crab meat sticks, sliced into 1/4" chunks2 oz. squid, cut into bite sized pieces2 tablespoons of lime juice1 tablespoon dry red chili, ground2 tablespoons fish sauce1 teaspoon palm sugar (or substitute regular sugar)1 teaspoon shrimp paste (Ka-pi)1 teaspoon very finely sliced jalapenos1 shallot, sliced thin2 lime leaves, sliced thin2 tablespoons onion, chopped
Directions:Add the fish sauce, lime juice, red chili, palm sugar, and shrimp paste into a small saucepan, bring to a simmer. Add in the seafood and jalapenos. Cook for about 2 minutes, or until the seafood is cooked through. Remove from the heat, and add in the lime leaves, shallots, and onions.Serve at room temperature.
"Pad Ga Pow"- (Stir fried basil with meat)

"Ga Pow" is the Thai word for basil. This dish is basically stir-fried basil with the meat of your choice.
Ingredients:1 pound ground chicken2 tablespoons chopped garlic2 tablespoons chopped shallots2 jalapenos1/4 cup fish sauce2 tablespoons palm sugar1 cup basil leaves (or mint leaves)1/2 bell pepper, cut into strips1 teaspoon peppercorns
Directions:Grind the garlic, shallots, and peppercorns into a paste. Put the paste into a medium sized skillet, and stir-fry the paste for about 15 seconds. Add in the chicken and the remaining ingredients, and stir-fry for 3 minutes, or until the chicken is thoroughly cooked.
Serve either over rice, as a meal - or by itself "Ala Carte

Thursday, September 08, 2005

Ladies, You Didn't Have To Be So Nice, I appreciate your warm greeting, but, it's Five Minutes to Stage, down here and yes I do play bass, but, I'm Junior Senator, Jeff Smith, trying to establish a Camp for Boy Scouts and not Commander Starrider.

With the ten million jokes going around about how men just don't get it, I figured this was a change of pace worth distributing. But I do take exception to number 27. I find tv remotes very annoying, and until just recently when I got a DVD player that does not work without the remote, I immediately ditched any remote that came with a television or VCR. In fact, I ditched the remote for the DVD too, and had to retrieve it from the garbage when I realized the DVD player didn't function without it.


1. Silence, the Final Frontier: Where No Woman Has Gone Before.2. The Undiscovered Side of Banking: Making Deposits.3. Parties: Going Without New Outfits.4. Man Management: Discover How Minor Household Chores Can Wait Until After the Game.5. Bathroom Etiquette I: Men Need Space in the Bathroom Cabinet Too.6. Bathroom Etiquette II: His Razor Is His.
7. Communication Skills I: Tears - The Last Resort, Not the First.8. Communication Skills II: Thinking Before Speaking.9. Communication Skills III: Getting What You Want, Without Nagging.10. Telephone Skills: How to Hang Up.11. Introduction to Parking.12. Advanced Parking: Reversing Into A Space.13. Water retention: Fact or Fat.14. Cooking I: Bringing Back Bacon, Eggs and Butter.15. Cooking II: Bran and Tofu are Not For Human Consumption.16. Cooking III: How Not to Inflict Your Diets on Other People.17. Compliments: Accepting Them Gracefully.18. PMS: Your Problem... Not His.
19. Dancing: Why Men Don't Like To.20. Sex: It's For Married Couples Too.21. Classic Clothing: Wearing Outfits You Already Have.22. Integrating Your Laundry: Washing It All Together.23. Oil and Petrol: Your Car Needs Both.24. Oil and Petrol: Your Car Needs Both. (In case it was missed the first time)25. Learning to Go in Public Restrooms.26. "Do These Jeans Make My Butt Look Big?" - Why Men Lie.
27. TV Remotes: For Men Only.
#28. (for female musicians only) Songs cannot make you look fat.(couresy of Laura)

Laura, has this been an issue for the singers in your band? I'e run into many excuses: I don't feel the song; it's been played to death; no one has ever heard of it; I don't like it; I'm tired of it; It's a great song, but ...; I find the words offensive; I don't sing songs about drugs; it sounds too much like another song in our set. And the most common excuse for singers: I'd rather only the songs that I want to sing, and don't care what the band wants to play. But I've never heard that a song could make the singer look fat. Could this be the hidden reason that the singer fail to communicate, but lurks behind all the other excuses? Rob

Please, Laura. I want to try to understand. As a band member, as a student of human nature, but mostly as a man who is occasionally as interested in pleasing women as he is in seducing and exploiting them, I just have to know the truth, no matter how difficult for a man to understand.


*Sigh* Rob, if you have to actually ASK that last question, you won't understand the answer.

Tuesday, September 06, 2005

Sgt Cropper Cut and Paste

Not since Robert Stigwood, The BeeGees and Peter Frampton has such a mess been made of Sgt. Pepper...and this mess courtesy of DH, pictured in the album cover to the left:

President Bush spoke to the people of Louisiana: "I see that you have gone for days without food or water. I saw for myself the bodies floating in the flood waters. I saw your looted stores. I am here today to tell you that I have good news. I just saved a bunch of money on my car insurance."

And this from the Commander, also pictured on the Album:


CENTER FOR DISEASE CONTROL has issued a no-nonsense warning about a new, highly virulent strain of sexually transmitted disease.

This disease is contracted through dangerous and high risk behavior. The disease is called Gonorrhea Lectim (pronounced "gonna re-elect him").

Many victims have contracted it after having been screwed for the past 4 years, in spite of having taken measures to protect themselves from this especially insidious ailment.

Baseball Today -- SEPTEMBER 7, 2005
Subscription options:
To contribute:
From our virtual newsroom at New York's Hilltop Park, here's the latest from

Our archive currently features 27,395 full-text pages of baseball history.


We encourage you to forward your copy of Baseball Today to as many friends,
associates, and colleagues as you like.

===== Baseball's Best and Worst =====

The Cards are the best team in the majors with a record of 88-51 (.633). They
are 18 games behind the 1906 Cubs, who went 106-33 (.763) through 139 games.

The Royals are the worst team in the majors with a record of 44-92 (.324). They
are 14 games better than the 1916 Athletics, who went 30-106 (.221) through 136
games. now features complete game-by-game results for every team
since 1900, packed with data from Retrosheet and enhanced by daily highlights
from the Baseball Chronology and lots of other goodies. Relive any season at


========================================================== is a comprehensive full-text encyclopedia of baseball
history produced by The Idea Logical Company ( Copyright © 2005
The Idea Logical Company, Inc.

Questions or comments about this newsletter, or advertising
opportunties should be directed to James G. Robinson, Editor-in-Chief at

Monday, September 05, 2005

Yes, It's 10/22

A closer look at the Yes Album.

Come On You Guys, Get off the Couch and go back to work, Labor Day is over and Norris needs the couch for his laundry.

Washington, D.C. Washington already boasts the lowest unemployment rate of the country's large metro areas — three percent — and figures to add more than 130,000 jobs this year and next, according to Stephen Fuller, a professor of public policy at George Mason University. Roughly half of those jobs will go to skilled workers. Business 2.0 Boom Towns: Washington, D.C. Job Growth by 2008: 10% Median Salary: $35,220 Population: 5 million Best Companies to Work For: Arnold & Porter, Marriott International Next: Atlanta, GA

We want to thank you for your interest in the above mentioned position.  We
had many fine applicants for the position, including you. However, we have
filled the position with someone whose background and credentials we feel
best meet our needs at this time. We welcome you to apply for any future
positions we have available that match your skills and experience.


The Hiring Manager for the "Account Executive - Philadelphia Phantoms
(Philadelphia, PA)" Position

Labor Day

Nobody worked harder this Labor Day than these Women; Girls On Top, raising $$$ for the American Red Cross for Hurricane Katrina Relief.

1-Chain Gang-Sam Cooke 2-Maggie's Farm-Bob Dylan 3-Factory-Bruce Springsteen 4-Career Opportunities-The Clash 5-Big Boss Man-Grateful Dead, Leadbelly...From #57- Union Man- Strawbs Takin Care of Business- BTO From DK Walnuts: 1. Work To Do - Isley Bros.
2. Work - Tin Huey(?) (One of the Akron Bands)
3. Keep On Workin' - Pete Townshend
4. Bell Boy - Who
5. It's My Job - Jimmy Buffett
From Commander Starriders:
Some of these jobs are about the workplace. Some are about alienation of modern life, of which the workplace is a part.

Take This Job and Shove It

Which Side Are You On

Sixteen Tons

Richard Corey

We Gotta Get Out of this Place

Five O'Clock World

Well Respected Man

Pleasant Valley Sunday

Bells of Rhymney

1941 Mining Disaster


Sitting on a Fence

Another Day

Talking Union

Summertime Blues

Dancing in the Dark

Thunder Road

The Free Electric Band
Welcome To The Working Week
Now that your picture's in the paper being rhythmically admired and you can have anyone that you have ever desired, all you gotta tell me now is why, why, why, why.
Welcome to the workin' week. Oh I know it don't thrill you, I hope it don't kill you. Welcome to the workin' week. You gotta do it till you're through it so you better get to it.
All of your family had to kill to survive, and they're still waitin' for their big day to arrive. But if they knew how I felt they'd bury me alive.
Welcome to the workin' week. Oh I know it don't thrill you, I hope it don't kill you. Welcome to the workin' week. You gotta do it till you're through it so you better get to it.
I hear you sayin', "Hey, the city's all right when you only read about it in books. Spend all your money gettin' so convinced that you never even bother to look. Sometimes I wonder if we're livin' in the same land, Why d'you wanna be my friend when I feel like a juggler running out of hands?
Welcome to the workin' week, oh, welcome to the working week.

Salt Of The Earth lyrics
Let's drink to the hard working people Let's drink to the lowly of birth Raise your glass to the good and the evil Let's drink to the salt of the earth Say a prayer for the common foot soldier Spare a thought for his back breaking work Say a prayer for his wife and his children Who burn the fires and who still till the earth And when I search a faceless crowd A swirling mass of gray and Black and white They don't look real to me In fact, they look so strange Raise your glass to the hard working people Let's drink to the uncounted heads Let's think of the wavering millions Who need leaders but get gamblers instead Spare a thought for the stay-at-home voter His empty eyes gaze at strange beauty shows And a parade of the gray suited grafters A choice of cancer or polio And when I look in the faceless crowd A swirling mass of grays and Black and white They don't look real to me Or don't they look so strange Let's drink to the hard working people Let's think of the lowly of birth Spare a thought for the rag taggy people Let's drink to the salt of the earth Let's drink to the hard working people Let's drink to the salt of the earth Let's drink to the two thousand million Let's think of the humble of birth ...Two that were not included-Nonkinsense
And this:
As soon as your born they make you feel smallby giving you no time instead of it all Till the pain is so big you feel nothing at all Working Class Hero is something to be Working Class Hero is something to be They hurt you at home and they hit you at school They hate you if you're clever and despise a fool Till you're so fucking crazy you can't follow their rules Working Class Hero is something to be Working Class Hero is something to be When they've tortured and scared you for 20 odd years then they expect you to pick a career When you can't really function you're so full of fear Working Class Hero is something to be Working Class Hero is something to be Keep you doped with religon, sex and T.V.and you think you're so clever and classless and freebut you're still fucking peasents as far as I can see Working Class Hero is something to beWorking Class Hero is something to be There's room at the top I'm telling you stillbut first you must learn how to smile as you kill if you want to be like the folks on the hill Working Class Hero is something to be Yes , A Working Class Hero is something to be If you want to be a hero well just follow me If you want to be a hero well just follow me
JOHN LENNON - "Working Class Hero" lyrics


Here are the words to one of my own songs about alienation and the working world. It's not quite a labor day song, but I could turn it into one. It's not quite finished either, and you might notice references to certain images twice (such as the knight and the rebel), and and I plan to correct that.


Its' Only Hell

I'm lost in a lost world,I'm a stranger in a strange land,I'm a two-head alienand I could use a little hand.It's only hell.

I'm a rebel without a clue.I'm a knight without his armor,I'm a harried and hurried guruwithout the time for Instant Karma.It's only hell.

I'm a lover without a woman,I'm a spender without the bucks,I'm a poet without his rhymeI'm gambler down on his luck,
CHORUS It's only hell, It's only hell, and it's just as well,cause if this were heaven that would surely be hell.

I'm a free spirit tied to a desk,I'm a singer without a voice,I'm a magician without his magic,I'm a voter without a choice.

It's only hell, It's only hell, and it's just as well,cause if this were heaven that would surely be hell.

BRIDGE:The union claims I'm under-compensated,The boss thinks my salary's inflated.The Commies say I'm alienated,My psychic says I'm just ill-fated.Credit card offers tell me I've made itThe landlord wants his rent, I still haven't paid it,The shrink makes it all so complicated,The truth of the matter is, and I'll clearly state it,My job sucks and I swear I hate it.

It's only hell, It's only hell, and it's just as well,cause if this were heaven that would surely be hell.

I'm a prophet without a future.I'm a saint without a prayer,I'm the devil without his due.I'm a lion without a lair.

I'm dreamer without his sleep,I'm a sleeper without his rest.
I'm a rebel without a peep
I'm a knight without a quest.

I'm a mystic without a vision
I'm a preacher without beliefI'm a savior without a world
A malcontent without a beef.

It's only hell, It's only hell, and it's just as well,cause if this were heaven that would surely be hell.
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------Audio Files
King Harvest (Has Surely Come)
by J.R. Robertson. Album: The Band © 1970 Canaan Music, Inc.
For an analysis of the lyrics, and more, see Peter Viney's article on "King Harvest".
Corn in the fields.
Listen to the rice when the wind blows 'cross the water,
F/A Fm/Ab C
King Harvest has surely come.
Am G Bb F/G C
I work for the union 'cause she's so good to me;
Am F
And I'm bound to come out on top,
Dm E
that's where I should be.
Am Bb C G
I will hear ev'ry word the boss may say,
Am Bb C G
For he's the one who hands me down my pay.
Am Bb C G
Looks like this time I'm gonna get to stay,
Am Bb C G Am G Bb F
I'm a union man, now, all the way.
The smell of the leaves,
from the magnolia trees in the meadow,
King Harvest has surely come.
Dry summer, then comes fall,
Which I depend on most of all.
Hey, rainmaker, can't you hear my call?
Please let these crops grow tall.
Long enough I've been up on Skid Row
And it's plain to see, I've nothin to show.
I'm glad to pay those union dues,
Just don't judge me by my shoes.
Scarecrow and a yellow moon,
and pretty soon a carnival on the edge of town,
King Harvest has surely come.
Last year, this time, wasn't no joke,
My whole barn went up in smoke.
My horse Jethro, well he went mad
And I can't remember things bein' so bad.
Then there comes a man with a paper and a pen
Tellin' us our hard times are about to end.
And then, if they don't give us what we like
He said, "Men, that's when you gotta go on strike."
Corn in the fields.
Listen to the rice when the wind blows 'cross the water,
King Harvest has surely come.

THANK YOU to all of the wonderful people who came out for the Hurricane Katrina Relief benefit that we gave at Cha Cha's on Labor Day. After combining your contributions, our donation, and a 100% match from Wunderman Communications, we were able to send the American Red Cross a check today for $1600.

If you didn't get a chance to come down but are looking to donate to the American Red Cross, here's how:

By phone: Call 1-800-HELP-NOW (1-800-435-7669)

Online: Visit and click on the link, "Donate now!"

By mail: Make checks payable to American Red Cross - Disaster Relief Fund and send to:

American Red Cross
P.O. Box 37243
Washington, D.C. 20013

Again, thank you for your support and generosity at this time of great need.